1. Ten questions, quick and easy. The first half is about body hair, the second is about fatness/weight/body image. Please reblog, share on Facebook, whatever. The more answers I have, the better the article I do for the zine will be. Please let me know if you have any problems with anything. I did my best to make it all-inclusive.

     


  2. Due to the lack of visual interest in the first two issues of otherXcore, issue #3 will have more imagery. I’m trying to do more collages and fewer really lame drawings of roses.

    And again, if you haven’t already, please take the time to take this really quick ten question survey! The data’s gonna be used in an article for the next zine.

    http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/25V7CS8

    SXR

     


  3. Confusing thoughts on weight loss.

    Lately, I’ve been losing a lot of weight. (By a lot, I mean maybe ten pounds in the last month or two, which is a ton for me.) Ironically, this started happening long after I was making any effort to lose even a pound or two and totally stopped giving a shit about my weight. (I do weigh myself now and then, but mostly in an attempt to figure out how my hormones affect me at various times of the month.) So, I’ve gone from about 215 pounds to about 200 in the last few months, and I feel more confused than ever.

    In the last week or so especially, I’ve been told over and over again how great I look and how much weight I’ve lost. I know everyone’s trying to be genuinely nice, but doesn’t that kind of imply that I looked less great when I was a little heavier? I mean, I’m still wearing the same sizes and everything, so the change is far from drastic. I don’t even notice it, so it’s weird to me that other people do. I have noticed that there’s more definition in my waist (and to be totally honest, I always wanted more of an hourglass shape, so I’m kind of stoked about that), but beyond that, I think I look almost exactly the same. I don’t even know that I want to lose weight anymore. I’ll never be thin, but I’m beginning to realize that while I’ll always be fat, I’ll always get comments like “well, you’re not that fat”, which, while well-intentioned, will always make me feel even shittier.

    The more I read about fat-positivity and everything, the more I realize that I am, indeed, fat, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve always been healthy and I have no aversion to food (although I definitely don’t eat enough calories to really sustain human life these days, thanks mostly to my financial situation), so I have no reason to diet. I’m happy, for the most part. What upsets me, though, is that people can’t be happy for me to be fat like they can when I lose weight. I understand the social implications of fatness and why people think the way they do, but I certainly don’t like it. And in terms of fatness, I’m definitely on the thinner side, so I have much more visibility than a lot of other women (even those who weigh about the same as me but have less “acceptable” shapes). Although I’m still sorting my own feelings towards my weight and the way others see it, I hope that through my visibility, I can change a few minds and make it easier for other fatties to feel comfortable in their own bodies, no matter what others say.

     


  4. I’m remarkably depressed right now. (TW: ultra personal, body image)

    I don’t think I’ve cried this much in a long time. I want to blame it on hormones, but I know that’s only a small part of it. I really do need to reevaluate my friendship with internet ex-gf. I asked her to stop complaining about being fat and body-shaming and shit because I’ve been having a lot of trouble coping with my body since it’s been changing lately and she just went off on me. I feel like I’m one lapse in my usual strong logic from an eating disorder and she’s always making me feel like shit…

    She has this idea that I don’t “respect” her beliefs just because I didn’t like her ex-boyfriend, or because I don’t want to be called “bro,” or because I don’t like that she’s just a pothead now (after being ridiculously anti-marijuana for so long) and because of that, she refuses to respect my feelings and beliefs, which means she refuses not to talk shit about fat people to me.

    I can’t do anything right in this stupid relationship. I can’t really call it a friendship because it definitely doesn’t feel like one anymore. No matter what I do or say, I’m attacking her or something. And I feel like she’s always projecting all kinds of shit onto me and I wonder if I’m just being biased or if it’s true. She never wants to settle anything and loves leaving fights un-fixed, and she never apologizes for shit. I called her tonight (we’ve only talked on the phone four or five times in the four or five years we’ve been friends) to apologize and try to get my point across, because I felt like texting was just being counterproductive, and she ignored me. I left a sobbing voicemail and got nothing in return.

    I’m the absolute worst at cutting people out. I feel like I can’t, and I don’t want to, and I don’t know how. I just miss having someone to talk to all the time, even if I have to walk on eggshells just to avoid being treated like I’m some kind of monster for feeling differently about something. I miss the way things used to be.

    I’m really, really, really depressed. And now I need to go cry some more.

     


  5. Alright, now that we’re done with all of that, I’m back to weird body image feelings.

     


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  7. I’m cold and lonely and having body image issues. 

    By the way, this recipe is fantastic when you use Mexican gray squash instead of any red or yellow peppers (bell peppers are overrated) and add about half a fresh jalapeno, a clove of garlic, and as much cayenne pepper as you can tolerate. I also wound up heating it, so it wasn’t raw, but it was delicious. I think I added a little extra cumin, too, and a dash of garlic salt.

     


  8. My mom bought me a new shirt today and I’m too busty for it. 36A and I’m too busty. If I ever stumble into a great deal of money, I think breast reduction is going to come right between nasolabial filler and rhinoplasty. After that, I’ll worry about getting rid of my post-weight loss skin sag.

     


  9. I went to a show and wasn’t sad, but now that I’m alone in my room, sitting in the dark and listening to emo music, I’m definitely sad. It doesn’t help that I looked at my butt in the mirror and noticed just how much cellulite I have. Not that anyone ever sees my ass, or my legs, for that matter, but it might be nice if I’d feel comfortable letting them.