I probably won’t get over my emetophobia.
Generally, I do quite well. I eat out, I can be in public, I hang out around filthy drunk punx all the time, and I do eat. However, when someone I know gets sick, even if I know it’s probably food poisoning, I go a bit insane. Last night, I took a bite of macaroni off of my friend Erika’s fork, and this morning, she posted something on Facebook about having “the flu”; however, I don’t know if she means influenza or a stomach virus, since most people here think they’re all the same thing.
I’m currently trembling, hungry (but unable to eat the Quizno’s sub my mom so lovingly purchased for me), dosing up on everything I have (olive leaf, oregano oil, probiotics, kombucha, black walnut hull, echinacea, goldenseal, and I have Throat Coat tea for later, which has licorice root and marshmallow root in it, both of which are supposed to be good for stomach flu), and worried as fuck. I felt really hot for a bit, but my temperature was a little low. I’m not nauseated (just super hungry), my stomach is no more upset than it usually is (I think), and I’m in no pain. I’m still stressing, though, because it’s what I do best.
I know that emetophobes somehow rarely ever “get sick”, and I know that it’s no big deal and no one likes doing it, but emetophobia is really the one thing that can scare me no matter what. My mind is clearly an incredibly powerful thing.
So yeah, maybe I’ll end up working on part of that emetophobia zine tonight. For now, I’m gonna continue chugging this kombucha and staring at my sandwich.
Being a fatass is hard when you have this problem. :(