Uh… I know I’m super lame, but that’s kinda cool. Not as cool as when Blake Schwarzenbach said nice things about the show I’d booked forgetters on and all that good stuff, but still, as far as semi-important punk figures go, I don’t get much attention.

Anyway, to anyone who’s thinking about ordering any of my zines, the next few weeks are going to be a great time to do so, since I’ll be out of school. I may do another sale of some sort for Christmas, and I swear otherXcore #3 will be up for sale soon. Hopefully by the end of next week.

I’m also going to try to write a zine on emetophobia before next semester. It’ll have an introduction to the phobia, my own experience with it, and tips on how to overcome it, or at least cope.

SXR

I probably won’t get over my emetophobia.

Generally, I do quite well. I eat out, I can be in public, I hang out around filthy drunk punx all the time, and I do eat. However, when someone I know gets sick, even if I know it’s probably food poisoning, I go a bit insane. Last night, I took a bite of macaroni off of my friend Erika’s fork, and this morning, she posted something on Facebook about having “the flu”; however, I don’t know if she means influenza or a stomach virus, since most people here think they’re all the same thing.

I’m currently trembling, hungry (but unable to eat the Quizno’s sub my mom so lovingly purchased for me), dosing up on everything I have (olive leaf, oregano oil, probiotics, kombucha, black walnut hull, echinacea, goldenseal, and I have Throat Coat tea for later, which has licorice root and marshmallow root in it, both of which are supposed to be good for stomach flu), and worried as fuck. I felt really hot for a bit, but my temperature was a little low. I’m not nauseated (just super hungry), my stomach is no more upset than it usually is (I think), and I’m in no pain. I’m still stressing, though, because it’s what I do best.

I know that emetophobes somehow rarely ever “get sick”, and I know that it’s no big deal and no one likes doing it, but emetophobia is really the one thing that can scare me no matter what. My mind is clearly an incredibly powerful thing.

So yeah, maybe I’ll end up working on part of that emetophobia zine tonight. For now, I’m gonna continue chugging this kombucha and staring at my sandwich.

Being a fatass is hard when you have this problem. :(

My sister’s sick, yet again. When the fuck isn’t she? And tomorrow is my day off, but she’ll probably be home, puking for me to hear, so I won’t be able to relax and enjoy myself.

I hate being an emetophobe. I know it’s all in my mind, but getting over fears, depression, and anxiety isn’t always as easy as people like to pretend. Every time I think I’m doing better, something happens and ensures me that I’m certainly not heh.

I really wish I wasn’t home right now.

from about 20 feet away. I did let her get a bit closer, though, so I think we ended up at ten feet apart, but only after I had dosed her up on probiotics, oregano oil, and olive leaf.

If I’d known it even existed, I’d have raised some awareness myself heh. I’ll talk a little about my own experience with emetophobia, so possible TRIGGER WARNING to people who are really sensitive to terminology. I’m gonna be as sensitive as possible without resorting to single letters.

I think I’ve been dealing with emetophobia for a little over two years now. I really noticed it when I still had my infected gallbladder and felt sick every single day. I fucking lived on Nauzene tablets, water (that’s how I started my habit of carrying a bottle everywhere I go), and mint gum (another habit that stuck). I guess living with non-stop nausea really fucked with me, because I’ve been different degrees of terrified about “being sick” ever since.

Working at The Bel-Tower, I’ve been around enough drunks to sort of get used to people throwing up in front of me. It happens, unfortunately. I hate, though, that while everyone else cleans up, I cower in a corner. I’m lucky to have friends who are totally understanding of my ridiculous fear, and I’m also lucky that I can even handle that. I don’t fly into insane panic attacks or anything; I just get really jumpy. Some days, when I know something could be contagious, I get pretty pathetic and will go as far as starving myself for a while, just in case, but I’m trying my damndest to get over stupid shit like that. It just isn’t always easy (especially when a friend with food poisoning is “sick” out the window of your car on a three-hour road-trip).

People seem to think that just acknowledging that you have a phobia and understanding that it’s completely illogical is enough to make it go away. Unfortunately, that isn’t usually the case. I know how stupid it is to worry so much about something that seems so trivial, but I can’t help myself. I went to therapy a few times, and my psychologist seemed to think I had it handled on my own. I suppose I do, but I’m still struggling.

My favorite coping mechanisms:

• Yoga and meditation
• Binaural beats (an excellent addition to meditation)
• An intense naturopathic health regimen (olive leaf is my #1 favorite thing on earth, followed by probiotics; oregano oil is good to have when you need a boost)
• “Writing” in my head (which can be as simple as making up stupid questions and interviews or as complex as mapping out an entire story)
• Singing along to my favorite music (this gets me through drives that would otherwise lead me to think myself into a frenzy)

Like I said, I can handle my phobia, for the most part, but I definitely struggle with it. I know a lot of people have it way worse than me, and I feel for them. If you struggle with emetophobia and need to talk, or if you know someone who suffers from it and just want to understand them better, feel free to contact me.

It sucks being an emetophobe and living in the same house as someone who’s prone to illness, food poisoning, and drinking shit-tons of alcohol. My sister’s going to be the death of me. I’d love to shower, but she’s been revisiting last night’s party in my bathroom all morning.

It would be nice to feel comfortable in my own home for a few days. My sister’s “feeling sick” again, and this time, I don’t believe she’d done any drinking. Emetophobia really, really, REALLY sucks, especially when you’ve got someone in the house who “gets sick” more and more every month.

Considering the fact that she stays up even later than I do, eats virtually nothing but Hot Cheetos and cheese, has way too many boy problems, and probably shares everything with everyone (which she was incredibly against as a child), I’m not surprised, but it stresses me out anyway. I’d just stopped taking my oregano oil, but now I feel obligated to start again and then disinfect everything.