1. I was lurking a friend’s facebook and found this picture we took at my friend Jessica’s wedding on Halloween. I felt like I had to post it because my body looks way more awesome than usual. I think I need wet-look leggings every day.

     


  2. It’s official.

    I got my annual birthday email from the Despair Faction.

    Yeah, I’m a DF member. Judge me.

     


  3. WHY!?

    Having an app that keeps track of my periods is really toying with my emotions. My cycle can’t decide whether it’s 29 or 34 days, so I’m constantly just checking the app, adding more annoying symptoms and watching the number of late days add up. I’m on day 33 of my cycle now, so if I don’t start later today or tomorrow, I may have to start trying to induce it, because I’m currently having the most gnarly cramps with no blood whatsoever, and I hate it. I’ve also had crazy back pain for the past couple days, insane bloating, frequent urination, and a depressing sweet tooth.

    My cycle used to be 30 days, on the dot. I always knew exactly when to expect my normal, average-flow 4-day period. Now, I never really know when to expect it and it’s different every month. I have PMS symptoms two weeks out of the month and generally feel like absolute death until day 2 of my period, after which I feel awesome until maybe 8 to 10 days after I finish, when the pain comes back again. I genuinely do try to view menstruation in a positive light these days, but it’s kind of difficult when it’s a source of constant pain and concern.

    Anyone have any advice for me? I occasionally take wild yam root, but I can’t afford to take it regularly. Other than that, I like to use Aunt Flo’s Cramp Relax, which has an excellent blend of herbs, but it’s almost a dollar a pill, and I really can’t afford that very often. Should I try black cohosh, dong quai, cramp bark, or chaste tree? What works for your symptoms? Lately, I’ve been resorting to naproxen on really bad days just because it lowers my prostaglandin levels, which always seem ridiculously high lately.

     


  4. Thinking about where I’m at in my life is really confusing. On the one hand, I helped to start a really amazing venue that I love to death, one which is often compared to the likes of 924 Gilman and sometimes even called better. I’m in college, I’ve got my zines, and I’m probably at my healthiest.

    On the other hand, I know I don’t eat very well and haven’t done a ton to change it. I’m just kind of scraping by in some of my classes, and the others just feel too easy to even count for anything. I have no job, I live at home, and if it weren’t for my parents (and our middle class white social standing), I’d probably be homeless. I’ve never had a physical relationship in my entire life (that includes kissing; one guy used to hold my hand, but that’s the extent of my experience), and my internet ex-gf who was supposedly head-over-heels in love with me for years (including the one we were “together”) dumped me for a guy who’s cheated on her several times with underaged girls. But she still tells me how much she loves me and wants to be with me “someday”. (All this after she pushed and pushed and pushed for a relationship from me for years when I kept saying I didn’t think I was really into girls at all, because I still don’t find myself into them. I finally give her what she wants and she crushes me.)

    This all makes me sad. I wanted to make a resolution to just get over all the negatives, but that seems like a stupid idea, because without negatives, nothing can really be all that positive. There’d be nothing to compare it to, so I guess life would just be neutral, and that’s kind of boring. Plus, that’s not a resolution I could ever keep, no matter how hard I tried. There will always be negative shit to contend with. Life isn’t perfect, and it shouldn’t be. So as of now, I have no resolutions. That’s just as well, because I’m really bad at keeping up with things unless I engrain them deeply in myself within a short frame of time.

    For now, all I’ll say about my plans for 2012 are as follows: I plan to continue improving my zines and putting out as many as I can. They’ve given me an outlet I know I’ll never have as a writer if I just wait for someone else to publish me, and I think it’s done a lot for me as a person. I also plan to keep trying new things in terms of the venue. More movie nights, workshops, yoga, and some stuff we’ve never done yet. I’d also like to make a greater effort to get in-tune with my body and treat it as best as I possibly can. That should probably be my number one goal for so many reasons.

    Here’s to a new year and another 366 (leap year, right?) days of mood swings, unrequited love, zines, and punk shows. And, in case you wondered, I have no intention of shaving or toning down the period talk or any of my other radical nonsense just for a man (or even woman, if something weird happens and another one sparks my interest). I’ll continue being my weird, semi-sexual, straight edge, vegetarian, fat, awkward, feminist self.

     


  5. Cool site alert.

    Still having period-like symptoms even though my period’s been over for a few days. I’m just really hoping I get a break before I ovulate, because it’s all downhill from there. Maybe I really should go see someone about all this nonsense.

    By the way, I always think it’s funny when people insinuate that I might be pregnant when I mention a lot of my usual symptoms. For one thing, despite their slight irregularity, I do still have periods. For another, I don’t have sex. Ever. At all. And when has anyone ever seen me with a man? That’s almost laughable, mostly-straight or not.

    I think it’s about time to end my day with hella Andrew Jackson Jihad, a cup of tea, some yoga, and then some reflection that hopefully doesn’t lead to crying.

    Also, you should check out Daily Feats. You can “check in” to positive activities and habits every day and earn points that you can use towards rewards at different businesses or give to a handful of charitable organizations. I know it’s lame, but I actually have felt more motivated today to do good things, and it made me realize that I actually do have a handful of pretty good daily habits. I’m not a total failure. You can get points for drinking water, doing yoga, finding new music, reading a newspaper, supporting women (!?), and even eating vegetarian. Pretty cool.

     


  6. The Cal-Mag-Zinc tablets from Whole Foods work wonders for my leg cramps but upset my stomach. I guess I’ll never win.

    In other news, my internet ex-gf just demanded that I send her a cryptic text about cops not coming and a man named Rob coming outside, plus, she’s not telling me shit, so I’m reeeeally beginning to rethink our friendship (moreso, that is). The last thing I need is to get roped into shady Michigan shit.

    Seriously, why do I do it? WHY!?

     


  7. Tonight’s agenda:

    • Female Toner tea
    • Read at least 30/100+ pages for school
    • Take my first bath in 10+ years?
    • Make my herbal cold and flu pills and hopefully put them up on Etsy.
     


  8. My mind won’t stop running and I’m getting reflux. I think that has less to do with all the pizza I ate earlier with Haley and Monika when we were eating our feelings and more to do with the fact that my throat has been tight most of the evening. I’m actually shocked that I haven’t cried more, because I keep feeling the urge to.

    I wish it was just daytime already so I could get out of the house and get my mind off of everything. It’s been too much to deal with at once, especially when my hormones are so unbalanced and I’m already stressed about school and money. Life really piles it on sometimes.

    I’m not sure if I should get up and find some valerian root or just continue to flop around until I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. Thank god I’m not going to my first class; I don’t think I’ll be able to function in the morning.

     

  9. Things I’m thankful for:

    • My choker. I wore these things for probably the first ten to twelve years of my life, quit for a few years, and then found one in my room probably almost a year ago. I intend to wear it until it falls apart, or until I find another one. I used to have a crazy cool collection of different colors and a few with beads and little charms on them. 
    • Cool people.
    • Four-day weekends every week, even though I usually wait until Monday night to do the bulk of my homework.
    • Herbal supplements. I think I’m single-handedly keeping the industry booming.

    Things I’m not so thankful for:

    • PMS.
    • Trapped gas.
    • Sitting around all day.
    • Being broke.
     


  10. Today’s pros and cons:

    PROS:

    • enchiladas
    • The Grapes of Wrath
    • family time
    • nice weather
    • got some homework done

    CONS:

    • cramps
    • bloating
    • sinus pain
    • pretty sure internet ex-gf admitted to having cheated on me
    • anxiety

    If I leave it at that, I guess I come out even, so I guess I can’t complain. I’m sure I could add more cons, though.